32- A Story (part 10-12)

Part 10

I heard the birds chipping sound outside the window. I woke up and saw my parents in my room. Mike must have told them about last night. They said that they had taken a leave today to accompany me at home. I get to have my breakfast in bed today. This was quite nice. They sat there watching me eating my breakfast. After the breakfast, my medicines were presented in front of me. My mom said I must eat all the medicines. No skipping any of it. I guess she had figured out that I actually tried to skip taking some of the medicines alternatively. I swallowed the medicines as fast as I could, trying to avoid the bitterness of the medicines. After a while, I run to the bathroom and had vomited everything that I took just now. My mom followed me to the bathroom and pats my back, trying to soothe me down. She said maybe it’s because I swallowed the medicines too fast. It’s all right. Everything will be fine. Then she went downstairs to prepare another set of breakfast for me. My dad followed her down and came up back with a glass of warm water. I can feel the sour taste in my throat. I tried to ignore it.

I took the glass of water from my dad. He sat beside me, watching me drinking the water. He must be very heart breaking, watching me this way. When I was diagnosed with this sickness, he blamed himself for not taking a good care of me. This was not his fault. He can’t control it. It was a test given to us by the God. We must face it. I gave my dad a hug seeing him like this. I said it was not his fault at all and stop blaming himself. I will be all right. I will not give up so easily. He just nods his head.


I heard my house phone rang a few times. No one picked it up. Then the last time when it rang, I woke up and answered it. It was Amy. She asked me why she couldn’t get me on my handphone. I look at my handphone on the table. It was off. I told her I forgot to charge the phone and apologized. I don’t plan to tell her about my condition now. I don’t want to distract her from her studies and from her activity that she was in charged in. It was a yearly concert held in university. She was promoted to be the president of the event. I told her that I would be there for the concert that was in another 2 months time. We chat for a while then I heard someone calling her from the other side of the phone. I asked her go on with her stuff and she doesn’t need to be worried about me. She said she’ll call me again and said bye.

I went downstairs and saw no sign of my parents. They must have gone out to buy some stuff. I sat in the living room and turned on the television. I was surfing through all the channels on the television. You don’t need to tell me how boring it was because I knew it really was very boring. (Laugh). I went to the kitchen and took a can of drinks and sat back on the couch. My headache was back again. But this time, it was just a mild headache. I closed my eyes for a while. Then I felt my nose was wet. It bleeds again. I tilt my head back and wiped off the blood from my nose. Luckily my parents were not at home that time. If not, they must have had a double shocked in half a day. I cleaned up the table where I placed the tissues and went to the bathroom to wash the blood cake around my nose. See, I can really take a good care of myself. No one should be worried about me so much.

I heard the key at the front door. It was my parents. They came back with bags of groceries. I helped them to carry some to the kitchen but they only pass me the light ones. I watch both of them arranging the things in the kitchen, putting them into the appropriate drawer and compartment. Both my parents were married for 28 years. They’re a lovely couple for me. I hardly see them quarreling in front of us. Both of them had a same interest, which is in home décor. They had their own business at the downtown. My dad had graduated in architecture while my mom had graduated in interior designing. Both of them made a great partner no matter in their business or in their personal life. I am very proud of them. Really.

They stopped doing their things when they noticed that I’m watching them. They asked me to go watch the television, not them. It felt awkward when there’s someone watching them doing chores. They shooed me away from the kitchen like I am a small little fragile puppy. I laughed and walked out from the kitchen…



2 more days for the chemotherapy. I had been counting the days since the day I made my decision to undergo this therapy. Time really past very fast. Today is already the third day. I don’t want to waste my time, sitting here. I told my parents that I would like to go to the university to see my friends. My dad offered to send me there. I accepted it. I put on some make-up before I leave the house. I have been looking pale these few days. I don’t want my friends to suspect anything about me.

I reached the university compound and say thanks to my dad for sending me. I walked into the block. I saw some of my friends in the hallway and had stopped by a while to chat. Then I went to the hall to look for Amy. I saw Amy on the stage, discussing about the concert preparation with her other team members. Then when she turned around, she saw me standing at the entrance. She ran to me and hugged me. She said that she has been missing me so much. I told her that I’ll wait for her till she finishes all her work and we’ll go for a lunch. She agreed. She jogged back to her team members. Then I walked to the outdoor court. I saw Isaac there. I waved to him. He looks so happy seeing me there. He left his friends and came to me. He gave me a hug. A hug that’s so tight that make me nearly out of breath. I knew that he was too excited to see me here.

Both he and Amy were so happy seeing me here. Seeing them like this had made me felt hesitate to tell them my current condition. I don’t want to make them upset again. I hide my pain away, acting as if nothing has happened. I invited Isaac to join Amy and I for lunch.

The three of us were talking very loud in the university cafeteria. People who walk past us will look at us and shake their head. We were really acting very crazy at that time. I sat there, observing Amy and Isaac. I told both of them that I would be visiting my long distance relative for about 3 months starting from next week. I told them that they would not be able to contact me for those 3 months. Both of them frowned when they heard that. I said I am sorry for informing them so last minute and I apologized to Amy for not being able to make it for the concert. Both of them took turn to give me a hug. Again, I lied to them. We chatted for about another 2 hours then I told them I need to go back home. I felt so reluctant to leave both of them. I am afraid that I will not be able to see them again after this. I hold myself from crying. I hugged both of them and gave Isaac a kiss on his cheek. Will this be the last hug and kiss from me to both of them? Will I be able to feel the comfort when I was in their arm again? I called my dad to pick me up after that.

I waited for him at the place where he dropped me earlier. I broke into tears right after I got into the car. I really am going to miss both of them. My dad said that I could meet both of them in about 3 months time. He asked me not to think too much. I knew that it was hard for him to say out these words as well. I might loose my life during the chemotherapy process, as I will be extremely weak during that time. We reached home in about 30 minutes.


Part 11

My mom was in the kitchen with Dr. Raj when we got back home. He dropped by our house just to check on me, making sure that I am doing fine, physically and emotionally. He brought some information booklet about the chemotherapy. He asked me to read it to prepare myself mentally. I took the booklet from him and excused myself to my own room.

I clicked on the light in my bedroom. Then I took out the booklet. I scanned through the book and saw a lot of unpleasant information. Unpleasant. Reading it could make me feel so unpleasant. How about going through it? I put away the booklet. I would like to enjoy my last 2 days before the therapy start.

Today is the fourth day and it means that I have one more day to go. My whole family was here by my side, accompanying me. We went for camping together. It was really nice. Lyn took a lot of pictures of me. I don’t need to ask why because if I do so, it will make everyone felt very upset. I just let her take. For memories. I may look very different during the whole coming 3 months. I would like them to remember me as the pretty ones, not the ugly.

C day has come. C for chemotherapy. It may be a hell for me but I know that I must face it with a strong faith and I must be brave. I was permitted to go back home after each therapy session. As day goes by, I am getting weaker. I have difficulty in eating. My throat was painful each time I swallow any solid food. So the doctor suggested me to take something that’s more watery. My parents took turn taking care of me. I felt myself like a heavy burden for them even though they had never complains about it.

Ever since the first session of the therapy, I have been telling my parents that I am sorry for everything and thank you for taking care of me. Then one day, they told me that it was their responsibility to do so. They asked me not to say that 2 words anymore. I smiled at them. A weak smile. My hair starts to fall off as well. Then I decided to shave it bald. I wear on a snowcap all the time. Mike likes to make fun of me. He said that I look like a nun. I didn’t get angry with him, but instead, I am grateful that they can still joke around with me.

During the second last session, some complication has occurred. I had a high fever. I was admitted into the hospital. My whole family was there by my side. I can’t see them there as I am too weak to open my eyes, but I could feel their presence. They had given me a warm feeling, a feeling of belongingness. My body temperature decreases two days after. I can sit up myself without the help from others and I am able to eat some soft food. My siblings and my parents look so tired. I asked them to go back home and get some good rest. At first, they resist leaving me alone, then after a while, they gave up on me. They said that they’d be back later.

I watched them walking out of the room. I noticed that my room was decorated with many pots of daisies with different colors. I closed my eyes, trying to smell the scent of it. It makes me feel very comfortable. I need to wait for about a week for my last session of the chemotherapy. I felt so proud of myself for being so tough to stay in this battle. Then suddenly I thought of Isaac and Amy. I took out my laptop and had sent each of them a mail telling them that I will be coming back soon and I had a great time here…


Part 12

Later that night, I had a seizure. I was admitted into the ICU. Why must this happen to me? I have been behaving so good and so tough. Why can’t I just go through this without so much complication? I was physically unconscious during my time in the ICU. But I can hear what parents have been telling me. I hate myself for bringing so much pain to my parents. I wanted to tell them I am sorry for all these, but I couldn’t. Everyday, I can hear my mom and sisters crying by my side, asking me to wake up. I want to wake up too, but I am too weak to do so. Then one day, I heard another two familiar voices. It was Isaac’s and Amy’s. Oh gosh, they had been told about this. Amy came into the room and was crying. She sat by my side and asked me why I lied to her again. Isaac was there in silence. Does he hate me for what I’ve done to him? I don’t dare to think about it. Being hate by someone you love doesn’t give you a good feeling.

I was in the ICU for about three days I think, and I finally woke up. I felt like I am sitting in a dark room listening to a radio during my unconscious state. I can hear voices of people talking to me but I can’t reply them or see them. I was not allowed to leave the ICU because Dr. Raj said that I need to be monitored closely 24 hours. He’s the boss here. I can’t say no to him.

Isaac and Amy visited me after that. They asked me so many questions that I only have one answer for their questions. It was a 5 letters word, sorry. They said that they’re not blaming me for not telling them about my condition, but they’re just wondering why I don’t tell them. I just kept quiet. I don’t know what to say. The next day, Isaac came and visited me. He accompanied me the whole day. I really love it when he was around. He could make you laugh basically about anything. He tried to keep me from thinking about my pain. Even when it was time to eat medicine, he can make fun out of it. He was really a sunshine person. A wonderful guy to be with.

Lately, I always feel a presence of someone that cannot be seen. Is he or she the grim reaper that’s here to observe me? And is he or she here to judge whether they should bring me away or let me stay? Ok, people, I am not trying to say that I am giving up on my life, but if there is really a grim reaper in this world that will lead us to another world, and he or she is here to bring me away, I will just accept it. Every living human will leave this world one day; it’s just a matter of when.

I had written a note and had passed it to Ms. Wong to keep. I told her that if I am really leaving this world, I would like her to read out this note on behalf of me in my funeral. She promised that she would keep that note for me. She gave me a hug after that. Then she quickly walks out from the room. I knew that she was crying.

Dr Raj dropped by to check on me in the evening. I asked him whether I could be discharge from the hospital because I really miss my home very much. I have been away from my home for quite some time and now, I would like to go back to my home. He looked at me. I knew what he was thinking at that time. He grants me my wish.

I was home the next day, sitting on my bed, looking around my room. Then I walked around the house, visiting every room in the house. I tried to recall back all the things that had happened in each of the room.

First was my parents’ bedroom where the 6 of us had once had a sleepover in my parents’ bed. Then Mike’s room where he, my sisters and I had a pillow fight in there. All of us ended up got scolded from my mom for being too noisy. Next is Lyn’s room where I had shared my secrets and the story about Isaac and me. And lastly, Lavina’s room where the three of us, Lyn, Lavina herself and I had did a fashion parade with all my brother’s creation.

I walked back into the living room. Sitting on the couch. Admiring the room that was decorated and designed by my parents. Then I went into the kitchen. I saw myself and Amy covered with flours in the kitchen. We were chasing each other and were throwing flours to each other. That was the first time both of us had make a cake together. The cake end up looks really ugly because we did not put in enough raising flour. From that time on, we decided to just buy a cake whenever we feel like eating it. I smiled to myself when I think back about the happy time I had with Amy. She was truly a great friend. I walked back to my room. I stand in front of the 10R photo of Isaac and me. This photo was taken when we won the dance competition. I was dressed in a dark blue dress with silver glitters on it. And Isaac was in a black suit. He looks handsome in that suit. We were standing next to each other holding hands. Then I shifted to my family photo. All these good memories were perfectly captured in these photos. I took these two photos, along with the teddy bear Isaac bought for me and wear on the bracelet Amy got me, and sat on my bed. I hugged them in my arm. Then I closed my eyes, drifting off to another world.

All my love ones was there in my funeral. I felt really sorry for leaving them without saying goodbye. They found me sitting on my bed without any breath, and I was hugging the two photos in my arm and there was no sign of me going through a hard time before I died.

I left this world with no pain and no regret. I am grateful that I was blessed with so many wonderful people around me. Thanks, mom and dad for showering me with so much love. Thank you Mike, Lyn and Lavina for being my siblings and sharing all the happy moments together. Thank you Amy for being my truthful friend for so many years. Thank you Isaac, for letting me feel and experience how it was to love and to be loved by someone. I’m thankful that I’ve met you. Thank you everyone for being there by my side when I need you all the most. Thank you.

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